bloody hell – where is my life leading?

I’m a saved sinner by Grace – wanting to keep the sin of lust deep in my heart – because of what? because of why? why is my addiction so heavy and the chains so tight? am I really that gullible to the devils guises?

I’m wasting my fucking life!

I’m destroying my fucking identity — FOR FUCKING WOT ??????????

the joy of XXX?

what joy?  what gain?  I’d be better off dead — but if I was, I would surely be in hell, wouldn’t I?  and I want heaven.  I want Jesus.  I want pure love.

I think of suicide occasionally – but realise it’s the devil tempting me.  I cry occasionally – but realise I’d just feeling sorry for myself.  I even try to change occasionally – but my life is pretty much fucked up, and I don’t have the spiritual nor accountability support from my own fellowship to help ground me back into Christ.

God knows I’m blogging here.  should I expect a comment from the Lord?

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